me to a T - Tracey Odachowski

I am thankful for this cute little pine cone turkey that Gabe made me. I love that he loves school.

I am thankful that every night I get to sleep next to my soulmate.

I am thankful that I have two, beautiful, healthy children that, although loudly at times, manage to fill my every day with laughs.

I am thankful that God has made me appreciate everything that comes my way. Nothing has come easily, especially as of late, but that has made me be thankful for it even more when it does.

I am thankful for meeting people who are finally taking care of me.

I am thankful for the many people that I have met and known. Friends have come my way in the most unusual and unorthodox of ways.

I am thankful that the pies I burned Monday night turned out to taste better than any I’ve ever made. (go figure)

I am thankful for Monica, whose family is welcoming us with open arms for dinner tonight.

I am thankful for my parents. I may have not always agreed with them on the way I was being raised, but without it, I wouldn’t be where I am now. So much of what makes me the person I am is grounded in what I experienced in my younger years.

I am thankful for having a big brother, with all of his metrosexual pink shirts, and for the wonderful sister-in-law and nephew he gave me. I am not thankful for all of the times he slamed my fingers in the car door, chased me through the house, pressed my foot down on the accelerator the first time I drove, called me ski-slope nose, teased me in choir, ….

I am thankful for scrapbooking because I can save memories for my kids.

I am thankful for my many good fortunes in the scrapbooking industry this year, and pray for more to come. It makes me feel good that I can actually DO something.

I am thankful for this blog because somehow I am able to speak better on it than I can with my own mouth.

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Also of note, last night I received a call from Rachel, my new case manager at Liberty Mutual. (SOOOO glad to get rid of the case manager I had previously - talk about no personality). I was supposed to have a final decision on my disability by yesterday. However, it seems that my eligibility date has been wrong. In fact, I wasn’t eligible for benefits until March 1, 2004. Why is this important? Well, there is a ‘pre-existing condition’ clause in my insurance: “Benefits are not paid for disabilities which are the result of conditions in any way related to a condition that existed before you become insured.” Why does that matter? I was being seen for my pregnancy starting in February. So, if they determine that my current condition is related to the pregnancy, they can chose not to cover me. And that’s alot of money GONE. The good news is that Rachel is going to try really hard to make it work. It almost sounded as if she was in tears to have to tell me all of this. Normally, they cannot have a case in their office for more than 10 days, but she has requested to keep in longer so that she can get this worked out. She will send it back to the medical staff for review on Monday, and hopefully I will get an answer by the end of next week. I’m trying to stay hopeful, stay positive, pray that we will still have a good Christmas and that this won’t ruin it for me, but it is hard. This has been such a roller coaster, and I just can’t take much more. I promised myself as a child, when we had so very little, that I would never struggle for money again in my life. And here I am. We are still ok for a little while, but it is so very hard to see the savings you worked so hard for dwindle before your eyes, and you have nothing you can do about it. And feeling as if it is all my fault. But alas, it is Thanksgiving, and I need to stay optimistic, so I must find something to be thankful for, despite all of the pain (both physically and mentally) that this has caused me. So:

I am thankful for Rachel, who seems to be trying very hard for someone she doesn’t know.

I am thankful for being able to spend so much time with my children over the past year and a half.

I am thankful for the days I can walk without pain. I love those days.

I am thankful that not all things come easily, and that God can keep me humble because of it.

A very very Happy Thanksgiving to all. Please use this day to give thoughT to what you are truly thankful for. Love to all and God bless.

The thoughTs challenge from last week:

This one was hard. A challenge in every sense of the word. I just could not figure out for the life of me WHAT my secret identity is!!! But, alas, Halloween came, and it was revealed.

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Deep down, (really deep, no deeper), I am a super hero like no other. I must live my daily life concealing what only I know. In my super hero life, I cook. I clean. My house sparkles. My kids are the best on the block. They never scream, argue, complain, whine. They go to bed on time without any problems. My house is the upmost example of organization. Fellow Moms envy me.

However, I must keep this super hero personality of mine well concealed. Oh, and I do! In my every day secret identity life, I have to allow toys to lie on my floor. There is a dust bunny under my couch. The oven needs cleaning. We won’t even discuss the look of my scraproom. (Ok, I did polish our bedroom furniture this weekend, but I can’t seem too normal all of the time, or people might suspect my super hero identity.) The Diaper Genie needs some major disinfectant. And the kids? Emily has a tendency to crust food on her cheek, or stain her shirt within the first 30 minutes of wear. Gabe, while very polite to others, is just like his mother as a child - defiant at times, doesn’t know how to accept no as an answer. Loves to throw tantrums. Almost always has to be reminded: homework first, play later. But he is good. Really he is. Then there is my husband. I have to let him do laundry, empty the dishwasher, clean up after dinner, give the kids a bath. It is so hard for me, as the super hero I am, not to do these things, but I must be strong. I must keep my secret.

I think I do a good job of concealling my super hero side. I’m no Clark Kent, but, if you walk into my house, I’m pretty sure that you would never suspect that I really am the secret identity of….

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SUPER MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, here are more pics from Halloween:

And, even MEMOM got in on the action!!!

And here’s what I wrote for it yesterday (10/11)while waiting during my Bone Scan…

They told me that it probably isn’t cancer. The edges are clean, not jagged. It is contained within the marrow, near the proximal edge of my femur. A little achy, but nothing to write home about. They told me it should be fine.

Yet, here I sit in the hospital library alone. Radiation in my veins. I have one more hour to wait until I find out whether what They Told Me is true. What will the scan show?

I’ve been pretty optimistic since I found out in August. I relied on what they told me. But, admittedly, this morning has been hard. I’ve stared at white, brown, and black linoleum, carpet, cobblestone, and grass until I finally realized that, all morning, I’ve been staring at the ground. Which means my head was down. Not very optimisitic.

Twice I picked my head up and I noticed to very different things.

The first time was just after I left nuclear medicine. In the hallway, I decided to look up and saw the sign for oncology. Of all departments I had to see, did it have to be that one? So, my head dropped right back down, and for the first time since August, a tear came to my eye.

By the time I raised my head again, I had made it outside. I walked across wet grass and sat on a cobblestone wall next to the bay. When I looked up I saw my dark footprints in the grass. I laughed. I had walked one really crooked line to get to that wall. So typical me. I’ve never been one to go the easy, straight path. Both physically and psychologically, I don’t think my legs could take me on a straight path if they tried.

So, I sat there, my footprints in front of me, snapping pictures. And thinking to myself that I need to be optimistic again. That I may not take the easy way, but all of the curves in my life still get me to the exact place that I’m intended.

They told me it doesn’t look cancerous. And with one hour left, I’m determined to prove them RIGHT.

I’m taking my challenge. What I was thinking on the way home from the physical therapist today, in order of how I thought it:

-Is that his foot on the dash?
-When will this construction end?
-Better slow down - cop.
-I love Jack Johnson. Is this song on my CD?
-Look at that traffic. When will VDOT finish?
-{music} La Da Da Da DA DA{music}
-Good. Cop is turning. Maybe everyone will drive normal now.
-That Darn Alexix - she has me thinking about using my turn signal!
-I wonder when dad will get here tonihgt.
-Gotta clean.
-Gotta go to the PO
-Hmm - this new Santana song is pretty cool!
-How many Starbucks do we HAVE within 2 miles?…5!
-7-11s? - 3!
-Dave Matthews Crash - reminds me of giving birth to Gabe.
-Gotta get Gabe’s prescriptions today.
-Maybe I’ll come back to Target while Chris and Em are sleeping.
-Why are gas prices so varied at different stations? 2.91…2.99…3.09 Doesn’t make any sense.
-The rain isn’t making the van any cleaner.
-I miss singing. Gotta find some karaoke.
-I’m sad that I’m too old and (according to Simon), too fat for American Idol.
-The leaves are starting to change.
-So glad we sent Gabe to private school.
-We need to treat the fence.
-Will we move again someday.
-We need to paint the trim.
-Turn off the wipers and lights.
-I could kill Chris for making caffeinated coffee this morning and not telling me. Grr.

Isn’t it crazy how much your mind can wander in 10 miles?

Well, I’ll go ahead and post my personal challenge, and hopefully, one day this week, I’ll remember to write down what I was thinking…

OOPS! I forgot to post the weekly thoughTs last week! So, since I already made it into a page, I’ll post the page now: